Are You Searching?

I was just looking through Matthew's website and through the pictures and thinking to myself that even though Matthew is a special child, I am having a wonderful, fulfilling life. People walk around and are searching here and there trying to fulfill themselves in many different ways. Some don't even know what they are looking for. It's just an emptiness they feel and they don't know how to fill it. The first way I was able to fulfill the emptiness was to turn my life back over to Christ. It was like everything I had been searching for was there all along. I was blessed with the position of a Sunday School teacher. That's really fulfilling. You teach the kids what you know. You try to use your life as an example and show and teach them how to live life without having to waist there life searching. Searching can mean, drugs, partying, and all kinds of bad stuff if you arn't careful. All I can do is tell them and they have to find out for there own sometimes but they always know where to find what they are looking for if they remember what "Mrs. Charlotte" said.

The most fulfilling part of my life is going on right now. I have felt every single emotion there is during the past four years. Hurt, Anger, Frustration, Joy, Victory, Tears, Sorrow,, you name it, I've felt it. Not many people can say that. Most of them have been happy times believe it or not. I have learned to celebrate even the tiniest little milestones with Matthew. Things that I used to take for granted are not there any more. I don't take my family or anyone for granted, especially Matthew.

Matthew has touched not only my life but a few others. Some were touched at first but slowly "got used" to the fact that Matthew was the way he is and they were not "touched" anymore. Some, like me, just never get over it and every single day is a day that I look forward to learning from Him. He is Angelic and I feel that what I am learning is coming from God, through Matthew. In the mornings, when he wakes up smiling, I can see God's Love shining all over his face. He's telling me that "He's okay" even though he can't do what other boys his age do, but he's okay. He's here for other reasons.

Matthew has recently been dealing with my younger son's heart. I guess if finally got to him and he woke up. Anyway, for the last few weeks, I have had a "different" son. He says when he looks at Matthew it makes him want to do better things with his life. I have a bad habit of telling him that YOU have a perfectly NORMAL brain,, would you please use it quit damaging it and messing up your life. Finally, Thank God, it sank in.

If Matthew doesn't touch but One persons life and that person makes a totally transformation because of Matthew, then that's good enough for me and I'm so glad that it could possibly be my son. But, some people just get "emotional" when they think about all that Matthew has wrong with them, then they try to do better, then they give up and "get used" to things again. Some even blame others, including God for Matthew's condition but that's not what Matthew is here for. He has bigger plans.

I don't know why I'm feeling this way. I guess just looking at all the pictures. I am kind of sad tonight because Matthew' seizures have increased to about three tonic/clonic seizures a day. He's almost over the pneumonia but the seizures have not decreased.

If anyone reading this wants to put there money to good use, I have two things I would like to try with Matthew that are remarkable when it comes to seizure control and muscle control.
I dream of one day being able to take him to the Institute in Chicago for a complete detox of all the meds he is on and began using their program. The other program is ABR therapy . A new approach to physical therapy. I have their case study tapes and it will shock you to see before and after pictures. The cost for both programs is about 20,000 There is also hyperbaric treatments available that we can't afford. Not sure of the cost but it's not as much as the other stuff. If you have that much pocket change, please send me and email. lol
I would like to feel that I gave him every chance of having a normal, painfree life while he's here with us. We've had fundraisers before but could never seem to raise nearly enough.

If Matthew could get off all those seizure drugs, we would see a completely different child. There's a spunky little spitfire in there just waiting to get out but can't because he has to stay so doped up with sieuzure meds. The Institute in Chicago used different diets to keep the seizures down. It works for a lot of kids. It's even known to increase vision!

I better check on him now. He's sleeps so sound after he gets all his meds. The siezures he has makes his heart race and I'm worried all the time about that because if they don't slack up soon, it will mean more siezure meds. So Keep him in your prayers.


God's sends Angels, to help us along the way. If we'll just listen closely to our hearts, we can hear our Father say..... (This is part of the chorus to the song I wrote)
So if you are "searching" search no more! Stop and Listen to What Your FATHER is trying to tell you. Listen to the Night, Search every smile, Look closely in the eyes of a special needs child. Turn of the TV, the stereo and the lights, Hear what God needs to tell you tonight
Charlotte

Charlotte